It was ten-thirty in the night and the roads were beginning to get freer, I could easily breathe in the cold air of nature from the Atlantic surrounding the Island. The man beside me must have thought I was a total stranger to Lagos with the way I kept my head outside the cab window all through the ride and kept “awwwing” at everything.


I was no stranger to Lagos; I was born there but I was a total stranger to its night life.


Temilade dared me. My very adventurous friend dared me to leave my books for one night and venture in to the living spirit of the night, she always claimed that a spirit was very much alive in the night life of Lagos; it makes you high and makes you forget the frustrations of the day hustling.


So I took my dare an extra notch and decided to go a bit wilder than my reserved self. I wore a ripped three quarters length jeans and a crop top that was armless; I felt naked and Temi kept laughing at how uncomfortable I was feeling. Eventually she gave me a really long wig to hide in and it made me feel a lot better.


We got down at a place I later termed “Vegas replica” in my mind and all my shyness returned. I didn’t know so much about how to behave and what to do, worse still I had no clue as to where we were going and Temi had no time to teach me as she was trying to communicate with her boyfriend to come and pick us outside.


After about three minutes of hearing Temi rant on how she was sure her boyfriend was cheating, he eventually came out. Her rants made me remember why I hated relationships; the drama always made me tired. Temi’s boyfriend was really cool but he totally looked like a Yoruba demon so somewhere in my mind I agreed with Temi that he was cheating.


The first thing I noticed as we entered Vegas replica ( I still don’t know the name of the place, there was no signboard or name anywhere; I subconsciously wondered how people located it) was the dim and multi coloured lights. I saw green and red and blue, the lights kept moving in such a way that I could barely see much.


We got in and Temi wished me good luck as she disappeared with her boyfriend that couldn’t stop touching her, to the dance floor. It was at that point I was really able to look at my surroundings and I was shocked to my bones about things I didn’t see before.


There were real life strippers some where by the edge of the dance floors. I had only seen strippers in movie and I never really felt they were real in any sense I could think of, I had to move to the area where they were dancing with silver poles to the delight of the men around them throwing one thousand naira notes or inserting the notes between their legs. I kept staring like a villager seeing traffic light for the first time. Shock couldn’t describe how I felt, it was like I was on another planet.


The ladies serving drinks were topless and they didn’t stop smiling so seductively at everyone and putting tips inside their shorts. At another section some people were playing cards but it was a different kind of card game because except my eyes were deceiving me, the card I was seeing was money; lots of it and different currencies too.


In my timid and shocked survey I stumbled on a veiled section that briefly opened when one of the topless ladies came out and I saw clearly a man receiving a blowjob and another apparently having an orgasm from the lady that kept bouncing on his laps. I averted my eyes as fast as I could but the picture stuck.


I was tired of moving around like a lost puppy and I went to sit by the bar, hoping the night could be over soon. The place was totally not my kind of place and I was way too uncomfortable.


“Hello” oh no! Someone didn’t just think of approaching me in this place, I wondered what he must think of me before I turned around


“Hi” Lord have mercy! The vision in front of me was fifty shades of cute and the bells in my head started staying at alert and getting ready to ring.


“You here with someone?” Before I could respond, in the twinkle of an eye, a gigantic looking man had dragged Mr Cute from my side and dumped him on the ground. If you were brought up by Yoruba parents, you would know I didn’t wait beside him to find out what was going on talk less of try to defend him.


I later found out from whispers around that he was owing the big man and had been hiding about with rich girls. I suddenly wondered what made him think I was rich.


Sometime later in the night, I found myself on the dance floor but I had to rush away when guys started fighting to dance with me when they realised I was alone.


Around four in the morning, an obviously drunk Temi with her barely stable boyfriend came to get me. I thought I would be seeing a lonely road and a quiet Lagos by that time of the morning but there wasn’t much difference between that time and when we left in the night. In fact, the city was very much awake, it was like morning started by that time; police sirens and people in private and public vehicles obviously going to work.


I practically carried a sleeping Temi up the stairs to her room before I found my way to the roof top and my favourite thinking spot. I laid a mattress on the floor and kept thinking about the events of the night, eventually I decided it was truly an adventurous experience but I am still yet to decide if I would participate in the night life of Lagos again


©Onashile Peace( tolarnee)


***Pure work of fiction with my personality as the main persona






Dear Madam Justice

I always talk about rape
Women abuse and molestation
Without any personal experience
Always what I hear and see
And fiercely imagine
I talk about it with the fire in my bones
When I try to step into experiences I hear
But today this talk is different
This is my experience
And I don’t feel fire, I feel hell
Its not anger, its burning rage

I was ill
So I was not in the mood
For medical niceness
I could not even fake a smile
But this demon had no sympathy
He kept displaying his disarranged set of brown teeth
As he continued with his subtle flirting
And all I needed was a freaking blood test
I thought the syringe was supposed to be empty
After all, he just wanted to take my blood
But it wasn’t and so I asked
He said this was the procedure
And flared that I was interfering
I felt the liquid swim into my blood
My eyes grew heavy
He had drugged me but I was helpless
I was already way too gone

I awoke with a start
To my naked body on a gurney
And the devil smiling back me
With his friend
And their belts in their hands
I didn’t need a test
To feel the brutal violation between my legs
To feel the gaping hollow of my privates
To feel the intrusion in my anal cavity
I trembled with rage
Pure and undiluted
But it was useless
I was strapped tight
All that I was left with
Was the anticipation of terrible vengeance
And I didn’t care in whatever form it came

But I was deprived of even that
The monster was an impostor
He never worked there
And no one had ever seen him or his friend
They could only tell me “sorry”
I heard it a million times
People looked at me as a specimen
They retold my story to everyone that appeared
And they all sighed and shook their heads
At how wicked the world had become

I could barely walk for a week
Sitting was a physical challenge
The pain in my soul was overwhelming
The bleakness in my heart
I could not communicate
I just stared ahead all the time
As people talked, counseled, told stories
But simply did not understand

So Madam Justice,
Don’t tell me
That rapists are humans too!
Don’t tell me
That they do not deserve the ultimate punishment!
Because that punishment
Is just a way to even show mercy
They die once
But I die every time I remember
The gross violations of my soul
So if you truly want to be just
Don’t leave them in prisons
Just so they come out and kill some more
Leaving the world with more living dead
You owe us one just favor
Hang them all!

Bloody regards,
A rape victim

©Onashile Peace(tolarnee)



Truthfully, there is no bliss in ignorance.

I had always known that women in the Middle East are a bit more restricted than other women most likely due to Sharia law practiced in the countries there. However what I did not know was the extent to which these women were restricted.

I saw in the news recently that the ban on driving for women in Saudi Arabia had been lifted and I was so excited because I had known for long that the women were not permitted to drive. I was so excited that I shared it on some of my social media pages.

I guess this was what made a friend of mine send me the tweet below


I was shocked to my bone marrow, the audacity of the mentality was numbing and series of questions jumped in my mind at the same time. Does that mean because she is a woman she is not permitted to have “sexual euphoria”?  For goodness sake the vibrations being referred to, wont they also be felt if the woman is in the passenger seat. And which vibrations is he even referring to? So it means every time I am driving it makes me want to have sex? Another thing, so men can feel these vibrations at will but the women shouldn’t?

Do you know the funniest thing? Saudi Arabia allows its women to be pilots but yet they could not drive cars.

The sadness in my heart was so great but it could not be compared to when that same friend forwarded a link to me by BBC on things women in Saudi Arabia could not do and I decided to do a little bit of research on my own. I simply could not believe the things I found out.

It almost seems like Saudi Arabian women are being treated like second class citizens in their own country. In fact, it doesn’t seem, they actually are being treated like second class citizens.

These are the painful things I discovered;

First, which is one that hit me the hardest, is that a woman’s testimony in Saudi Arabia is only worth half of a man’s testimony for a trial. In other word’s two women’s testimony is equal to that of one man, basically the Saudi Arabian legal system is implying that a woman means half of one man.

Now, travel documents can only obtained with the consent of a male guardian, basically a woman cannot travel if a man does not give her the permission to do so. Also usually they are not allowed to leave the home alone.

In a case of divorce women are only allowed custody of their children until they reach the age of seven (boys) and nine (girls), once such children are over the stipulated ages, they get transferred to the father.

Women also need the permission of a man to open a bank account and have control over her own financial transactions. Also there are few jobs the women are allowed to do without male permission, jobs like being shop assistants or working at fair grounds.

Saudi Arabian women cannot marry without permission of their male guardian and a person who seeks to marry a foreigner must obtain approval to do by the ministry of interior, and marriage to non-Muslims is made so difficult so much that it is almost impossible.

Then, the dressing.. I want to quote it exactly how it was reported

“Saudi women must cover their bodies completely by wearing an abaya – full-length, loose-fitting robes – in places where they may be seen by men who are not related to them. So there are women-only spaces – specific floors of shopping centres, for instance, where women take abayas off. Outside of those, women not following this rule face being chastised by the religious police.”

Oh and yes you cannot have unlimited conversations with men that are not family members as a woman. In fact public, restaurants, universities and other spaces have both a ‘family’ section and a section reserved for men.

Now, looking critically at all these absurd rules can one say that Saudi women are being treated like human beings not to talk of even being treated equally with men? Their lives are basically made to absolutely depend on men; they are not allowed to live their own lives on their own terms. These rules violates almost every right I know; their right to human dignity, personal liberty, fair trial, right of association.. everything.

Fine! A little bit and I mean a very little bit of progress is being made, the women can now vote and that just happened in 2015, education for girls is made compulsory until 15, they are permitted to work but with permission of guardian and now recently they have been allowed to drive though it is yet to be enforced.

However, the present position is still a world away from civilization and basic freedom of a human being. This is wrong and inhumane in every respect.

It is indeed time for the Saudi Arabia government to respect rights of women!

Onashile Peace (tolarnee)



I wake and walk as a woman

During difficult and hard times

Once I was a twin to the sun

And once I was as beautiful as diamond

I am admired as a wife and not a warrior

Yet my ancestors were great warriors

They raised me to be a bold woman

Who killed the lions and the bears

But now I have been covered by the dark shadows of men

Simply because I’m a woman

My trumpet voice is never heard

My cries are never listened to

Even when heard, never considered

I watch my soldiers at the war front

Die, in great ignorance

Being defeated by the enemy

I see danger and smell trouble ahead

Yet I am shoved aside

But enough is enough

Now is the time I’ve always hoped for

To stand by my weapons and defeat

To be the warrior woman I’ve always dreamed of

Now I am a queen

And I’m a queen of my own shadows

Onashile Blessing Joy (OBJ)

** So this is another poem by my sixteen year old sister, since for now she is focusing on her final high school exams she might not be able to post them herself.

So I have decided to be putting her poems in a series on my blog because really I am still shocked at her content.

It is honestly unwise to shove children aside, I knew she writes poems and short stories but I never critically looked at them and now that I have, I know I have unlocked a treasure.

She was so excited when I told her about the feedbacks her poem got that she showed me more, please do encourage her with your comments.

SLAVE QUEEN – The Agony of an enslaved woman (poem by a concerned sixteen year old)


Days, months and years

The times flying like the wind

And I became the woman I wanted to be

A full grown princess in my father’s house

Mother talked about a man

She said I will be a Queen in his house

I agreed soon enough and my problems agreed sooner

My parents were no longer allowed to see me

The neighbors heard sounds of talking drums from my body

I couldn’t leave the house

I was an unseen slave

I bled and cried daily

For this wasn’t the life I hoped for

After conceiving a football team

I’m pregnant again, pregnant with pains

Like an injured zebra

I am filled with stripes of beating everywhere

I’m just thirty but I am an old slave

My parents unknowingly sold me off into slavery

Never to gain independence

From the hands of a maniacal King

Queen? I am a slave Queen

Drenched in regrets and pain and tears

Always regretting

That I was ever born a woman

Onashile Blessing Joy (OBJ)

*** So I am super excited right now! My junior sister who is just sixteen wrote this poem and I just couldn’t stop gushing over it. well i did a little bit of editing but it was entirely her idea, her works and mostly words too.

I am glad that her eyes are open to the issues women face and that she can connect to them and make a case for them. However, she is not going to be a lawyer like me, my baby is in love with medicine and humanitarian care.



Many of us might not know but today is World Contraception Day!! Well, I am an advocate for women rights and I am always up for loosening the reins and chains of the woman.

Okay so some people might be of the opinion that I am trying to encourage young ones to have sex and all but I assure you
whether you believe it or not, that I am not. So why exactly am I writing this?

One truth we fail to tell ourselves is that no matter how much we scream about pre-marital sex and all, people will still do it.

Sometimes they are young and naïve and other times its youthful exuberance and again other times just curiosity. The thing however is that the action would always still have its consequences.

Knowing fully well that there is really nothing much you can do to prevent people from having sex, why don’t you teach them how to manage the aftermath and prevent abortion that is so controversial. Some call it murder, some freedom, I just know it’s really not palatable, so in my view educating women about contraceptives seems more reasonable, cost effective and less messy.

So it might seem like the post is just for young ladies and youths but no, I just wanted to educate all women interested in not getting pregnant and family planning about some facts they might or might not know about contraceptives, both good and bad facts. I am not trying to advocate for its use in this post, I just seek to educate.

And by the way who doesn’t know that pregnancy and babies would mostly always disrupt a woman’s life. (Trust me; you don’t want me to go down this lane, so let’s stick to facts)

Basically i will just be stating some straight forward facts that i have researched about and in no particular order, so are we ready? Let’s go!


• Birth control pills contain synthetic forms of hormones; progesterone and estrogen.

• Progesterone thickens the cervical mucus, making it difficult for sperm to penetrate, and it also makes the Fallopian tubes move slower so the egg and sperm don’t get together quite as efficiently. On the other hand Estrogen inhibits ovulation by suppressing the hormones responsible for ovulation. Pills generally contain either only progesterone or a combination of estrogen and progesterone.

• Taking birth control pills with antibiotics can make the pill less effective or totally ineffective. So if you are using pills and you have to take antibiotics, use a condom. Keep using the condom even a week after you are done with antibiotics.

• Water with condoms can wash of the lubricants in the condom making it break or totally come off

• Constant use of morning after pills can alter the menstrual cycle and could cause health and fertility problems later. Morning after pills should be for emergencies.

• Use contraceptives straight immediately after having a baby if you are going to have sex because having a bay does not mean you cannot get pregnant right after.

• If you miss a pill, take it as soon as you remember.

• Birth control pills have some known side effects such as; breast tenderness, headaches, jaundice in a child (for breastfeeding mothers), moodiness and irritability, reduced libido, clitoral shrinkage and varying others.

• Women with a personal history of a blood clots, breast cancer, or heart disease, and smokers should not use pills containing estrogen.

• Don’t trust the male pill for now, it’s still very much in the research stages so still use yours.

I really hope this post has been helpful or educative and enlightening. Do let me know what you think in the comment section.


I am not over her


I am not over her.

I woke up staring at the designers suit hung in my room for my wedding and all I could think of is the girl I keep deceiving myself I am over and done with.

Her soft words and piercing light brown eyes still taunt me when I roll on the bed expecting my fingers to comb through her silky black tresses splayed seductively on the covers.

Tomorrow, I would be getting married to an ambitious woman I like and admire but one my soul has no sync with, yet the one that is the core of the beating of my heart I am desperately trying to get over.

I stupidly sent her pictures of my wife- to-be since we decided to keep in touch and inform each other when we moved on. I didn’t even inform her I was dating someone again and now I sent her my wedding invitation and pictures of my fiancé. I know her like the back of my hand, she would be torn apart but will pretend to be fine just like I am pretending now.

We are two souls destined for a lifetime that just got everything wrong and now I am being entangled in a forever that I do not really want. I tell myself the lie I have been telling for the past few weeks as I get up to prepare for my friends. I am over her. My image staring right at me from the mirror showed the lie painted all over my face.

My life moved in a sluggish, slow motion as everyone fussed over the remaining things to do for the wedding. I just wished I could lock myself in the room and cuddle her, to just let her voice of reason course through my veins. I wanted her lips to remind me of the beauty of life again, I caressed her name through my lips again and cursed my misfortune.

A stupid person’s phone just rang out our song, that song I am almost hating now, the one we learnt word for word and sang at our friend’s birthday party last year. I can still feel the joy and love radiating through her shy eyes after we sang and got everyone jealous of our love.

Oh no! I am not sure I can do this! I am not sure I can go through with this wedding, her image would taunt me forever. I know she is not over me too, I could hear it in her voice when she called me to congratulate me on my wedding. I could hear the almost silent sniffing, the trembling and tremors in her voice.

Right now, I might not be sure of anything but I am certain of one thing.

I am not over her.

Not yet.

Not now.

Not ever.