POETRY: GREY, RED AND BLACK (SLUT SHAMING)

GREY, RED AND BLACK

Festivities abound
But I see grey
I see red
And black

My friend calls
But I hear Dare
I hear Dapo
And Dotun

I hear their whispers
Through sealed lips
Piercing eyes
And fake smiles

In my mind’s eye
They discuss me
The loose holes
The blowjobs
The slut

I see them everywhere
I hear them everywhere
Taunting me
Teasing me

I can’t take it anymore
Hell has to be better
Better a corpse than a slut

One, two
I cut
Three, four
I slice

I see grey
I see red
And I see black
Its over

©Onashile Peace(tolarnee)

SLUT SHAMING

I wrote this poem from the angle of the consequences, that many people might be ignorant about, of slut shaming.

What exactly is slut shaming?

Slut shaming is basically stigmatising a woman for an act believed to be promiscuous or sexually immoral.

There are diverse acts or behaviors a woman could be slut shamed for but I am particular about shaming her for having sex and ignoring the fact that there was another party involved.

Sometimes, the act of slut shaming is done for fun, to embarrass the woman, to “correct” the woman, and so many other reasons people give.

However, there is a side to this that many are unaware of and this is the side of the mental, emotional and psychological trauma women go through because of slut shaming. They are judged through biased and hypocritical eyes, stripped of dignity sometimes and some do not get to recover from this abuse.

I once heard of a place in Nigeria where men gathered to tear the clothes of a woman because they deemed her dressing to be indecent and the painful thing was that the person who related the experience supported this degrading action simply because the person felt that the action would teach her to dress properly next time.

This mindset is not only wrong but inhumane. How do you destroy someone’s dignity in order to “correct” the person?

For anyone who approves of slut shaming, think deep concerning the rationale behind it and decide whether it truly achieves any aim more than dehumanization.

******

Its more than your big mouth
Its more than your bragging
Its more than the way you paint her as the devil
Its more than you being stupidly judgmental
Its more than how you strip her dignity
Its more than you catching fun
Its more than the name calling
Its much more
Sometimes lives pay for it
Other times its mental health
Other times its psychological well being
You’re catching fun
And destroying another

******

Examples of slut-shaming include being criticized or punished for violating dress code policies by dressing in perceived sexually provocative ways, requesting access to birth control, having premarital, casual, or promiscuous sex, engaging in prostitution, or when being victim blamed for being raped or otherwise sexually assaulted.

Kindly let me know what you think about this issue and let’s share perspectives.

Advertisements

POETRY: WE DON’T TRUST NO MORE

Okay.. Let’s get to the message behind the poem.

So I know many times we have had situations happen to us which makes us decide never to trust something or someone in such situation ever again.
Sometimes it might not even be our own experience but then it stays with us so strongly that we judge every other person in such situation using that singular experience that we heard.
Now, I am not saying be stupid or naive or be Miss or Mr nice.

No! That’s not the point of the poem.

I am simply saying, sometimes learn to give people the benefit of doubt.
The truth is, that situation might have turned out the way it did, not because of the situation itself but because of the person.

So I am becoming to abstract, let me use a very common scenario.
You go to a guy’s house and he attempts to molest you, you escape but then with a mindset that every guy would try to molest you in his house.

I don’t know if you get my drift. This makes you start operating from a level of fear, distrust and bitterness that you might not even realise you have because you have used one person to judge the whole world.

I think that’s where the idea of “men are scum” came from (ehn see rhymes..lol). Basically, you use one guy’s scummy action to judge all guys or one girl’s materialistic tendencies to judge all girls.

This actually makes no sense!
You know when you would realise it makes no sense? You would realise that when you use yourself as an example, I mean someone judging you without even knowing you based on a previous experience with another person.

That can be so annoying!

So before I make this too long, the point of this whole long story is that learn to give people the benefit of doubt and even second chances.

You just might be surprised by what you would find.

Let me know in the comments your perspective about trust and second chances…

POETRY- HYPOCRITICAL PROCESSES

I thought about this some days ago and I decided to use the poem to convey the message.
I think the time has passed for most in our generation and we are no longer kids but then we should not make the mistake the generation before us made.
You do not keep silent about matters of the heart, sexual matters, emotional and psychological matters through out the period of a child’s growth and then expect that the child would not learn something on his or her own.
Tell them early! These things are so important and have altered the lives and perspective of many on different levels.
You tell someone of twenty that had sex she didn’t want to have at fifteen, how to say no?
Imagine what would be going on in her head
Or you advise a guy of twenty one that has turned to a bitter player, on how to teach women right?
It can’t work!
So many things have been destroyed already.
This really doesn’t have to wait for our children, it could be our siblings, young friends, children around us, let’s start the talk now, so we don’t listen to regrettable stories later.

INTRODUCING MY DEBUT ANTHOLOGY- PHOENIX T21

IMG_20180116_214308

 

 

PHOENIX T21

 

Now that I have decided to do this, I don’t know where to start from and I also a feel tiny bit nervous. Well, that’s kind of to be expected or not. Whatever!

I will be turning 21 in a few weeks’ time and I know it might not be a big deal for some people because they passed that stage some seven years, two years, I don’t know how many years ago. Well, the age is really not the big deal but what it represents to me personally.

I remember some four years back, a senior colleague of mine was going to be 21 and he started this appreciation series about everything that made up 21 for him and I remember saying to myself that when I turned 21 I was going to celebrate, be happy and hundred shades of grateful.

Unfortunately, last year struck; I really don’t want to be ungrateful but last year was sort of really bad for me, it hit me at my lowest and it hit me really, really bad. So in the midst of it I just kept wondering how I could ever celebrate 21 with as much gusto and joy and happiness as I planned. I was very depressed and nothing made me so happy, I basically put up a lot of happy and smiling appearances everywhere but I was far from happy.

It was in that down state I found writing, I still keep saying that is the best thing that ever happened to me. Funny though, I had been writing since I was a kid, I remember I gave out a novel to be published when I was 12 or 13, now that I look back at it I wonder what I wrote there. Point is, I had always been writing but I think maybe because of the state I was in last year it became dearer to me. No, it became everything to me.

Then came the turning point. It was towards the end of the year and everything changed. I found a friend who helped me through the darkness, he was and still is an angel, a very beautiful soul that I love dearly. I keep saying God used him to crawl my way out of the depths of despair. And all of a sudden 21 didn’t seem so bad anymore.

So I made up my mind to celebrate with my writing. I decided to write an anthology, not necessarily just on my life but on everything that has made my life, lessons learnt, experiences gained, mine and that of others, stories I hold dearly and the extremes of my mind. I decided that I will care for little or no rules of poetry or fiction or writing, I will write as me and exactly what I want to write. Basically I decided to pour out the depths of my soul into the anthology, hold back no emotions and care little as I have always done about what anyone would think of me. I called this soul pouring “PHOENIX T21”.

Well, I am still in the process of writing it, every piece is very dear to me and honestly I am not really certain when it will be finished but I know it will be definitely some weeks after my birthday. Ohh the birthday is February 8. I pick it up when I am less busy or when I really feeling inspired. It is so dear to me and this is why I have to write it now and at this time. I think I have gotten far sort of but anyways its still moving.

Definitely, I will be sharing excerpts here when I can and other times I might just write my normal stories but whichever way I can’t wait for everyone to see the complete book.

Thank you everyone for encouraging me and pushing me in this journey and making me feel like some sort of bad ass writer. Lol.

Kindly stay with me till the end and much loveeeee

(c)Onashile Peace (tolarnee)

This post is also on my Steemit account and here is the link https://steemit.com/introduction/@tolarnee/introducing-my-first-anthology-the-soul-pouring-of-phoenix-t21

 

 

WHAT YOU NEED TO KNOW ABOUT HAVING A COMPANY IN NIGERIA ….And why you need a lawyer to do so.

image

Every time I try to explain something about law, I try to be as simple as possible because I realised non lawyers don’t appreciate the technicalities. So I will make this very simple and brief and relatable.

Law controls every part of our lives even when we are not paying attention, some crucial steps and decisions must be taken with the full knowledge of the law. The painful things is if the steps that are against the law are taken ignorantly, it is not an excuse as ignorance of the law is not an excuse. This is why having a lawyer is a matter of necessity and not a luxury.

Laws about companies are very wide and broad, in fact so many laws have direct or indirect implications or impact on the affairs of a company but the most important one is the Companies and Allied Matters Act (CAMA). So in this piece, I will just be talking about the kinds of companies that can be formed.

Your company can either be a private company or a public company.

A private company simply means the kind of company whose membership is limited and cannot invite the public to buy its shares. Its usually a company with close friends, family and relatives as members.  A public is the other way round, it has unlimited membership and it can invite the public to get its shares.

Shares are basically the capital of the company divided into small units, in such a way that people that buy those shares have stakes in such company.

Perhaps I should give some differences between a private and a public company so you can understand better.

One major advantage and the most important advantage of having a company is that it is seen as different from people that brought it into existence. It has a personality of its own, so instead of suing you when the company has issues, they sue the company. Simply put you and your company are different people in the eyes of the Law.

Now, a private company has limited membership of 50 persons while that of  public is unlimited.
In a public company, you can easily transfer or sell your shares to another person but it is not so easy to do so in a private company.
The law requires a public company to publish details of its account and basically to be open to the public but this is not required of a private company.
The company secretary in a public company must either be a lawyer, chartered secretary or chartered accountant but this is not required for a private company.
To start a public company your minimum capital must be N500,000 while for a private company it must be N10,000
Like I mentioned earlier, in a public company the public cab buy your shares but this can’t happen in a private company.

These are just few differences, to enable you have an idea. There are other major types which I will be discussing in a subsequent post, each of the types I will discuss can also either be public or private.

****
Please note that the information given here is for simple and basic knowledge, there are still more in depth things to know about types of companies and advantages. This is why you need a lawyer as a matter of necessity. If you want to form a company and you need legal advice, do let me know.

©Onashile Peace (tolarnee)

MY ONE NIGHT TIME LAGOS EXPERIENCE

header_bg3

 

It was ten-thirty in the night and the roads were beginning to get freer, I could easily breathe in the cold air of nature from the Atlantic surrounding the Island. The man beside me must have thought I was a total stranger to Lagos with the way I kept my head outside the cab window all through the ride and kept “awwwing” at everything.

 

I was no stranger to Lagos; I was born there but I was a total stranger to its night life.

 

Temilade dared me. My very adventurous friend dared me to leave my books for one night and venture in to the living spirit of the night, she always claimed that a spirit was very much alive in the night life of Lagos; it makes you high and makes you forget the frustrations of the day hustling.

 

So I took my dare an extra notch and decided to go a bit wilder than my reserved self. I wore a ripped three quarters length jeans and a crop top that was armless; I felt naked and Temi kept laughing at how uncomfortable I was feeling. Eventually she gave me a really long wig to hide in and it made me feel a lot better.

 

We got down at a place I later termed “Vegas replica” in my mind and all my shyness returned. I didn’t know so much about how to behave and what to do, worse still I had no clue as to where we were going and Temi had no time to teach me as she was trying to communicate with her boyfriend to come and pick us outside.

 

After about three minutes of hearing Temi rant on how she was sure her boyfriend was cheating, he eventually came out. Her rants made me remember why I hated relationships; the drama always made me tired. Temi’s boyfriend was really cool but he totally looked like a Yoruba demon so somewhere in my mind I agreed with Temi that he was cheating.

 

The first thing I noticed as we entered Vegas replica ( I still don’t know the name of the place, there was no signboard or name anywhere; I subconsciously wondered how people located it) was the dim and multi coloured lights. I saw green and red and blue, the lights kept moving in such a way that I could barely see much.

 

We got in and Temi wished me good luck as she disappeared with her boyfriend that couldn’t stop touching her, to the dance floor. It was at that point I was really able to look at my surroundings and I was shocked to my bones about things I didn’t see before.

 

There were real life strippers some where by the edge of the dance floors. I had only seen strippers in movie and I never really felt they were real in any sense I could think of, I had to move to the area where they were dancing with silver poles to the delight of the men around them throwing one thousand naira notes or inserting the notes between their legs. I kept staring like a villager seeing traffic light for the first time. Shock couldn’t describe how I felt, it was like I was on another planet.

 

The ladies serving drinks were topless and they didn’t stop smiling so seductively at everyone and putting tips inside their shorts. At another section some people were playing cards but it was a different kind of card game because except my eyes were deceiving me, the card I was seeing was money; lots of it and different currencies too.

 

In my timid and shocked survey I stumbled on a veiled section that briefly opened when one of the topless ladies came out and I saw clearly a man receiving a blowjob and another apparently having an orgasm from the lady that kept bouncing on his laps. I averted my eyes as fast as I could but the picture stuck.

 

I was tired of moving around like a lost puppy and I went to sit by the bar, hoping the night could be over soon. The place was totally not my kind of place and I was way too uncomfortable.

 

“Hello” oh no! Someone didn’t just think of approaching me in this place, I wondered what he must think of me before I turned around

 

“Hi” Lord have mercy! The vision in front of me was fifty shades of cute and the bells in my head started staying at alert and getting ready to ring.

 

“You here with someone?” Before I could respond, in the twinkle of an eye, a gigantic looking man had dragged Mr Cute from my side and dumped him on the ground. If you were brought up by Yoruba parents, you would know I didn’t wait beside him to find out what was going on talk less of try to defend him.

 

I later found out from whispers around that he was owing the big man and had been hiding about with rich girls. I suddenly wondered what made him think I was rich.

 

Sometime later in the night, I found myself on the dance floor but I had to rush away when guys started fighting to dance with me when they realised I was alone.

 

Around four in the morning, an obviously drunk Temi with her barely stable boyfriend came to get me. I thought I would be seeing a lonely road and a quiet Lagos by that time of the morning but there wasn’t much difference between that time and when we left in the night. In fact, the city was very much awake, it was like morning started by that time; police sirens and people in private and public vehicles obviously going to work.

 

I practically carried a sleeping Temi up the stairs to her room before I found my way to the roof top and my favourite thinking spot. I laid a mattress on the floor and kept thinking about the events of the night, eventually I decided it was truly an adventurous experience but I am still yet to decide if I would participate in the night life of Lagos again

 

©Onashile Peace( tolarnee)

 

***Pure work of fiction with my personality as the main persona

 

 

I DIE A THOUSAND TIMES, KILL HIM JUST ONCE!!!!

image

Dear Madam Justice

I always talk about rape
Women abuse and molestation
Without any personal experience
Always what I hear and see
And fiercely imagine
I talk about it with the fire in my bones
When I try to step into experiences I hear
But today this talk is different
This is my experience
And I don’t feel fire, I feel hell
Its not anger, its burning rage

I was ill
So I was not in the mood
For medical niceness
I could not even fake a smile
But this demon had no sympathy
He kept displaying his disarranged set of brown teeth
As he continued with his subtle flirting
And all I needed was a freaking blood test
I thought the syringe was supposed to be empty
After all, he just wanted to take my blood
But it wasn’t and so I asked
He said this was the procedure
And flared that I was interfering
I felt the liquid swim into my blood
My eyes grew heavy
He had drugged me but I was helpless
I was already way too gone

I awoke with a start
To my naked body on a gurney
And the devil smiling back me
With his friend
And their belts in their hands
I didn’t need a test
To feel the brutal violation between my legs
To feel the gaping hollow of my privates
To feel the intrusion in my anal cavity
I trembled with rage
Pure and undiluted
But it was useless
I was strapped tight
All that I was left with
Was the anticipation of terrible vengeance
And I didn’t care in whatever form it came

But I was deprived of even that
The monster was an impostor
He never worked there
And no one had ever seen him or his friend
They could only tell me “sorry”
I heard it a million times
People looked at me as a specimen
They retold my story to everyone that appeared
And they all sighed and shook their heads
At how wicked the world had become

I could barely walk for a week
Sitting was a physical challenge
The pain in my soul was overwhelming
The bleakness in my heart
I could not communicate
I just stared ahead all the time
As people talked, counseled, told stories
But simply did not understand

So Madam Justice,
Don’t tell me
That rapists are humans too!
Don’t tell me
That they do not deserve the ultimate punishment!
Because that punishment
Is just a way to even show mercy
They die once
But I die every time I remember
The gross violations of my soul
So if you truly want to be just
Don’t leave them in prisons
Just so they come out and kill some more
Leaving the world with more living dead
You owe us one just favor
Hang them all!

Bloody regards,
A rape victim

©Onashile Peace(tolarnee)