Truthfully, there is no bliss in ignorance.

I had always known that women in the Middle East are a bit more restricted than other women most likely due to Sharia law practiced in the countries there. However what I did not know was the extent to which these women were restricted.

I saw in the news recently that the ban on driving for women in Saudi Arabia had been lifted and I was so excited because I had known for long that the women were not permitted to drive. I was so excited that I shared it on some of my social media pages.

I guess this was what made a friend of mine send me the tweet below


I was shocked to my bone marrow, the audacity of the mentality was numbing and series of questions jumped in my mind at the same time. Does that mean because she is a woman she is not permitted to have “sexual euphoria”?  For goodness sake the vibrations being referred to, wont they also be felt if the woman is in the passenger seat. And which vibrations is he even referring to? So it means every time I am driving it makes me want to have sex? Another thing, so men can feel these vibrations at will but the women shouldn’t?

Do you know the funniest thing? Saudi Arabia allows its women to be pilots but yet they could not drive cars.

The sadness in my heart was so great but it could not be compared to when that same friend forwarded a link to me by BBC on things women in Saudi Arabia could not do and I decided to do a little bit of research on my own. I simply could not believe the things I found out.

It almost seems like Saudi Arabian women are being treated like second class citizens in their own country. In fact, it doesn’t seem, they actually are being treated like second class citizens.

These are the painful things I discovered;

First, which is one that hit me the hardest, is that a woman’s testimony in Saudi Arabia is only worth half of a man’s testimony for a trial. In other word’s two women’s testimony is equal to that of one man, basically the Saudi Arabian legal system is implying that a woman means half of one man.

Now, travel documents can only obtained with the consent of a male guardian, basically a woman cannot travel if a man does not give her the permission to do so. Also usually they are not allowed to leave the home alone.

In a case of divorce women are only allowed custody of their children until they reach the age of seven (boys) and nine (girls), once such children are over the stipulated ages, they get transferred to the father.

Women also need the permission of a man to open a bank account and have control over her own financial transactions. Also there are few jobs the women are allowed to do without male permission, jobs like being shop assistants or working at fair grounds.

Saudi Arabian women cannot marry without permission of their male guardian and a person who seeks to marry a foreigner must obtain approval to do by the ministry of interior, and marriage to non-Muslims is made so difficult so much that it is almost impossible.

Then, the dressing.. I want to quote it exactly how it was reported

“Saudi women must cover their bodies completely by wearing an abaya – full-length, loose-fitting robes – in places where they may be seen by men who are not related to them. So there are women-only spaces – specific floors of shopping centres, for instance, where women take abayas off. Outside of those, women not following this rule face being chastised by the religious police.”

Oh and yes you cannot have unlimited conversations with men that are not family members as a woman. In fact public, restaurants, universities and other spaces have both a ‘family’ section and a section reserved for men.

Now, looking critically at all these absurd rules can one say that Saudi women are being treated like human beings not to talk of even being treated equally with men? Their lives are basically made to absolutely depend on men; they are not allowed to live their own lives on their own terms. These rules violates almost every right I know; their right to human dignity, personal liberty, fair trial, right of association.. everything.

Fine! A little bit and I mean a very little bit of progress is being made, the women can now vote and that just happened in 2015, education for girls is made compulsory until 15, they are permitted to work but with permission of guardian and now recently they have been allowed to drive though it is yet to be enforced.

However, the present position is still a world away from civilization and basic freedom of a human being. This is wrong and inhumane in every respect.

It is indeed time for the Saudi Arabia government to respect rights of women!

Onashile Peace (tolarnee)




I wake and walk as a woman

During difficult and hard times

Once I was a twin to the sun

And once I was as beautiful as diamond

I am admired as a wife and not a warrior

Yet my ancestors were great warriors

They raised me to be a bold woman

Who killed the lions and the bears

But now I have been covered by the dark shadows of men

Simply because I’m a woman

My trumpet voice is never heard

My cries are never listened to

Even when heard, never considered

I watch my soldiers at the war front

Die, in great ignorance

Being defeated by the enemy

I see danger and smell trouble ahead

Yet I am shoved aside

But enough is enough

Now is the time I’ve always hoped for

To stand by my weapons and defeat

To be the warrior woman I’ve always dreamed of

Now I am a queen

And I’m a queen of my own shadows

Onashile Blessing Joy (OBJ)

** So this is another poem by my sixteen year old sister, since for now she is focusing on her final high school exams she might not be able to post them herself.

So I have decided to be putting her poems in a series on my blog because really I am still shocked at her content.

It is honestly unwise to shove children aside, I knew she writes poems and short stories but I never critically looked at them and now that I have, I know I have unlocked a treasure.

She was so excited when I told her about the feedbacks her poem got that she showed me more, please do encourage her with your comments.

SLAVE QUEEN – The Agony of an enslaved woman (poem by a concerned sixteen year old)


Days, months and years

The times flying like the wind

And I became the woman I wanted to be

A full grown princess in my father’s house

Mother talked about a man

She said I will be a Queen in his house

I agreed soon enough and my problems agreed sooner

My parents were no longer allowed to see me

The neighbors heard sounds of talking drums from my body

I couldn’t leave the house

I was an unseen slave

I bled and cried daily

For this wasn’t the life I hoped for

After conceiving a football team

I’m pregnant again, pregnant with pains

Like an injured zebra

I am filled with stripes of beating everywhere

I’m just thirty but I am an old slave

My parents unknowingly sold me off into slavery

Never to gain independence

From the hands of a maniacal King

Queen? I am a slave Queen

Drenched in regrets and pain and tears

Always regretting

That I was ever born a woman

Onashile Blessing Joy (OBJ)

*** So I am super excited right now! My junior sister who is just sixteen wrote this poem and I just couldn’t stop gushing over it. well i did a little bit of editing but it was entirely her idea, her works and mostly words too.

I am glad that her eyes are open to the issues women face and that she can connect to them and make a case for them. However, she is not going to be a lawyer like me, my baby is in love with medicine and humanitarian care.



Many of us might not know but today is World Contraception Day!! Well, I am an advocate for women rights and I am always up for loosening the reins and chains of the woman.

Okay so some people might be of the opinion that I am trying to encourage young ones to have sex and all but I assure you
whether you believe it or not, that I am not. So why exactly am I writing this?

One truth we fail to tell ourselves is that no matter how much we scream about pre-marital sex and all, people will still do it.

Sometimes they are young and naïve and other times its youthful exuberance and again other times just curiosity. The thing however is that the action would always still have its consequences.

Knowing fully well that there is really nothing much you can do to prevent people from having sex, why don’t you teach them how to manage the aftermath and prevent abortion that is so controversial. Some call it murder, some freedom, I just know it’s really not palatable, so in my view educating women about contraceptives seems more reasonable, cost effective and less messy.

So it might seem like the post is just for young ladies and youths but no, I just wanted to educate all women interested in not getting pregnant and family planning about some facts they might or might not know about contraceptives, both good and bad facts. I am not trying to advocate for its use in this post, I just seek to educate.

And by the way who doesn’t know that pregnancy and babies would mostly always disrupt a woman’s life. (Trust me; you don’t want me to go down this lane, so let’s stick to facts)

Basically i will just be stating some straight forward facts that i have researched about and in no particular order, so are we ready? Let’s go!


• Birth control pills contain synthetic forms of hormones; progesterone and estrogen.

• Progesterone thickens the cervical mucus, making it difficult for sperm to penetrate, and it also makes the Fallopian tubes move slower so the egg and sperm don’t get together quite as efficiently. On the other hand Estrogen inhibits ovulation by suppressing the hormones responsible for ovulation. Pills generally contain either only progesterone or a combination of estrogen and progesterone.

• Taking birth control pills with antibiotics can make the pill less effective or totally ineffective. So if you are using pills and you have to take antibiotics, use a condom. Keep using the condom even a week after you are done with antibiotics.

• Water with condoms can wash of the lubricants in the condom making it break or totally come off

• Constant use of morning after pills can alter the menstrual cycle and could cause health and fertility problems later. Morning after pills should be for emergencies.

• Use contraceptives straight immediately after having a baby if you are going to have sex because having a bay does not mean you cannot get pregnant right after.

• If you miss a pill, take it as soon as you remember.

• Birth control pills have some known side effects such as; breast tenderness, headaches, jaundice in a child (for breastfeeding mothers), moodiness and irritability, reduced libido, clitoral shrinkage and varying others.

• Women with a personal history of a blood clots, breast cancer, or heart disease, and smokers should not use pills containing estrogen.

• Don’t trust the male pill for now, it’s still very much in the research stages so still use yours.

I really hope this post has been helpful or educative and enlightening. Do let me know what you think in the comment section.


I am not over her


I am not over her.

I woke up staring at the designers suit hung in my room for my wedding and all I could think of is the girl I keep deceiving myself I am over and done with.

Her soft words and piercing light brown eyes still taunt me when I roll on the bed expecting my fingers to comb through her silky black tresses splayed seductively on the covers.

Tomorrow, I would be getting married to an ambitious woman I like and admire but one my soul has no sync with, yet the one that is the core of the beating of my heart I am desperately trying to get over.

I stupidly sent her pictures of my wife- to-be since we decided to keep in touch and inform each other when we moved on. I didn’t even inform her I was dating someone again and now I sent her my wedding invitation and pictures of my fiancé. I know her like the back of my hand, she would be torn apart but will pretend to be fine just like I am pretending now.

We are two souls destined for a lifetime that just got everything wrong and now I am being entangled in a forever that I do not really want. I tell myself the lie I have been telling for the past few weeks as I get up to prepare for my friends. I am over her. My image staring right at me from the mirror showed the lie painted all over my face.

My life moved in a sluggish, slow motion as everyone fussed over the remaining things to do for the wedding. I just wished I could lock myself in the room and cuddle her, to just let her voice of reason course through my veins. I wanted her lips to remind me of the beauty of life again, I caressed her name through my lips again and cursed my misfortune.

A stupid person’s phone just rang out our song, that song I am almost hating now, the one we learnt word for word and sang at our friend’s birthday party last year. I can still feel the joy and love radiating through her shy eyes after we sang and got everyone jealous of our love.

Oh no! I am not sure I can do this! I am not sure I can go through with this wedding, her image would taunt me forever. I know she is not over me too, I could hear it in her voice when she called me to congratulate me on my wedding. I could hear the almost silent sniffing, the trembling and tremors in her voice.

Right now, I might not be sure of anything but I am certain of one thing.

I am not over her.

Not yet.

Not now.

Not ever.

Why Can’t I Have An Abortion??!!!


“It is my body, I do not want the foreign body!!! Remove it!!”
“That foreign body is a human being! Removing it is killing it and the law does not permit it, so madam we cannot remove it”

The line of reasoning above basically pervades major arguments on abortion. So I was about to sleep when I started reminiscing about one of my favorite courses in the university; Philosophical Ethics and particularly about the lessons on abortion.

Topics like that made me come alive and I remember I was always arguing in every class( funny enough I almost failed the course, you could say….nonchalance or overconfidence)..Well, bottom line I decided to bring the arguments here and get people’s opinions and all.

Basically there are two sides to an abortion argument; the Pro-life and the Pro-choice.
The Pro-life argument is that abortion should not be permitted as it is tantamount to murder while Pro-choice is of the opinion that the pregnancy is part of the woman’s body and she has a right to decide what to do with it.

So I would be summarizing some of the arguments of both sides after which I would explain my issues with the whole abortion concept, from my perspective really.

Proponents of the pro-life argument believe that the foetus is a human and aborting that human is killing it which is the same as murder.
They equally believe that there is nothing like unwanted pregnancy as there are always people ready to adopt.
They are of the opinion that permitting abortion would result in abortion being a form of contraception, they also think being responsible for ones body is being responsible enough not to get pregnant.
Well and about rape victims they think there would always be medical aid to prevent pregnancy from occurring.
They justify their stance by stating that an unborn child has done no wrong so why kill it, the abortion eventually results into medical complications for the mother and most people that indulge in abortion are young women that do not really understand the repercussions of their action and so they often regret it.
There are a lot more arguments and standpoints but that’s just a few.

Now the Pro- choice proponents are of the opinion that abortion basically takes place in the first trimester and at that stage the foetus is not a child but a fertilized egg and if we use that often and discard too for in vitro fertilization then how can we call abortion murder.
They also believe the foetus is not a person but a part of the woman’s body which she has a right over.
They equally argue that abortion is mostly a safe medical procedure, and in the case of rape victims, forcing them to carry a resulting pregnancy is further psychological and emotional trauma.
They categorically state that it is not a form of contraception as some people who do want abortion actually took steps in preventing the pregnancy.
In their opinion, adoption is no alternative as most women do not actually want to give up the children for adoption once they have had them.

Again, there are more arguments but let me stop with this.


Now at this point, I have questions and standpoints and opinions and I will just be picking my issues randomly.

First, I am of the opinion, strongly that it should not be absolutely prohibited. Really, some people just do not want the children and in my view that’s their decision but I can try to understand if the state would not take that as a valid excuse but for heavens sake how about rape victims, persons incapable of taking care of the child or persons who are elderly and might have complications giving birth.

Recently I read of I think a ten or twelve year old girl that was pregnant and was not permitted to abort the pregnancy because of the laws of the state. I mean does that make sense?

Also recently, I read of a beggar, who can hardly sustain herself, she was raped, had HIV and she got pregnant. Would you believe she was equally not permitted to abort the baby? The state cannot be committed in taking care of the child and the woman can barely even take care of herself talk less of a child with HIV.
These in my view are the results of a rigid law on abortion. There should be liberal exceptions, if at all a state is to have laws prohibiting abortion.

Okay, so now let’s leave exceptions, let’s even delve into why there should or should not be prohibition of abortion. Really, is a foetus a human being? Is it a person with attachments and feelings and responsibilities? Would its death or abortion affect anyone other than the mother?

Should the convenience of the mother not be considered since she is the one that would house the child and eventually birth the child? What if the mother would have no means of raising the child and eventually the child dies of neglect or starvation?

Now, does preventing abortion legally really stop it from occurring? I mean abortion is illegal in many countries and it is still practiced in those countries. Don’t we think its the fact that abortion is illegal that makes people result into unsafe medical procedures of removing the pregnancy?

Regretting the aftermath of an abortion, should it or should it not be the personal decision of the mother? Does it mean she would also not regret having the child she did not want?

Let’s look at it from the perspective of responsibility, in the situation where a woman has done all her possible best to prevent herself from being pregnant should she still be made to go through with a pregnancy she obviously does not want if she eventually gets pregnant? If such a woman becomes an irresponsible mother won’t the same society blame her?

Should we permit women or even girls that are obviously not fit or ready in any form to take up the responsibility of motherhood to be mothers at all?

These are questions we must ask when making arguments or judgments on abortion. I know I have made my stance a bit clear but I deliberately just asked questions so we could try to answer them ourselves and justify our reasoning. I will always stand for choice and rights, we are all humans in a system where one should be permitted to decide on what he or she wants concerning his or her life.

I would definitely appreciate your comments, perspectives and opinions, I am always open to ideas and more knowledge and logical reasoning.

Dark and Lonely


Why won’t you let me in?
Why do you keep shutting me out?
It’s cold and dark and lonely out here without you!
I thought I could just walk away,
Just pretend you didn’t mean anything
Bury myself in a world of deception
And still be fine
But the cold out here is piercing
I didn’t realise the wall of protection I had
Was all cause of the love you surrounded me with
I took you for granted
I felt there were millions out there
And I will find another you in no time
Its day fifty, Bella
None could even come close
The beauty of your soul is ethereal
Your love is from a world beyond
I messed up Bella!
I know I did!
But don’t lock me out!
I need to live again
I need to feel pure passion coursing through my veins again
I need to feel zeal and hope and fire
And the million things you make me feel everyday
I am tired, Bella
Its dark and its cold and its lonely out here
Open up Bella
Please open

Onashile Peace (tolarnee)